i can never forget ;

My heart

2009-12-09T06:58:00.002+08:00

Actually i should have expected, but i think that i can't accept the reality. My heart full of darkness right now, can i end my life just like that? Nope, i shouldn't. Lord does not want me to do that. If i choose to end, meaning i have got my judgment. Yes, that's hell. Hell belongs to a place where nothing i can fulfill my needs and wants. I need water, no water ; I need food, no food ; I need clothing, no clothing ; I need shelter, no shelter. It just like a place where our soul is burnt thoroughly without any ways to enter the heaven. Its can be imagined that frightening, but when i really get there. I will be more frightened because i lost my heart.
The days have passed, we have been together since April 26, ended with half year relationship. The days we smile, the days we sad, the days we comfort each other. It was kept on circulate in my mind. I can't have a good sleep because of it. Every moment i wish that when i wake up, i will saw a message from you. But its hard right now. You deserved to get better one. Forever it is, I'm a Christian.
We can't change our fate, but we can still change our life. Even the days are hard, i wish that you will be happy. My hope on you not just this, there is still a lot of wishes i have never made. I wished that you positive in life, I wished that you find a better ones, I wished that you can more independent. And right now the 3rd wishes you did it. I'm getting colder and colder. Its also the time where i shall self-recover. Hope so, even if I'm recovered. You still my love one. The words i have said to you, I'm very meant it. But I know that when both keep cold with each other, I just felt that my heart was soured like a bottle of vinegar poured to my heart.
What ever it is, my heart to you have not changed before. Hope that you will find me someday if there is anything i can do for you. Even if you need me, I'm always be there for you. Farewell, my beloved.

2009-07-09T00:57:00.002+08:00

well, its morning le...... few more hrs, i nid to sit for my midterm......... today, my heart very nervous...... i juz wandering much........but of coz, i noe i hav study all the topics...... juz lack of revision...... i hope i will fine in the exam...... Most important, i hope tat bb nie nie will forgiv me.........Sorry for wat i hav did~~~~ take cares my dear.........

2009-06-21T19:31:00.002+08:00

OMG.......From tis pic, i can see myself tat i hav increased my fattiness much much >.< Bla Bla Bla~~~ i wan keep fit le, no eat at all liao.............fatty desmun...... besides, actually my cousin post up the photo to the blog if not i oso can't seen through got such pic~~ anyway....i was still having phone tim.......

tis few days, mayb i still can't handle my time management properly......so, i hav forget alot time to write in blog.......I hope i can faster suit to my new learning enviroment as here, i think i still can put on my effort to make sucessful business here......As the days come, mayb i will become more n more business minded as i used to hav it, if not, i can;t compete with the players here.......Finance~~ quite a new learning for me as its sooner will talk about shares...... N my earning goes on with it.......Probably, i wan to take my ACCA in year 3 as its hav a better option for me to go........tis year, i hav taken muet too~~ most probably the war began in october....... I hope i can handle all the prob things now....As the stress keep on increasing wherby i'm working hard to ease all of them n change to positive energy.......Jia you jia you ^^

Today is father days, pai seh, i'm a naughty boy, i din even say a wish in phone to my daddy work in singapore.......sigh, i will sms it later le.........Hope daddy hav a healthy n ease life ther~~~

Tml take train at 4.35am le..... i think i hav to stop here le.....byez, bloggie..... MIz BB~

2009-06-09T22:29:00.002+08:00

miz bloggie..... i hav been long time nvr blog for long time le....... tis few days le, i hav gone through the days of boring in my new learning campus........ well, i can't hav any regret of wat i hav chosen for my course, as i can't expect tat the enviroment here is far more things for us to learn.......I felt behavior from ppl here are not tat same behavior in kampar....... mayb is becoz of population, crime rate n attitude of people lead to not much enjoyment can be found here.....tis few days, as i said, boring, but still hav small things to do like cleaning house, reading notes, go to lecture class and others which are more like handling a home......... i miz the days in kampar......

Talking about me with bb, i always very hope bb will take care herself le......as she is weak in take care of herself....... Hope bb will think positively as no matter wat happens....it is also an essential way to lead bb to go for advanced studies.......Hope tat bb will get rid of painess everyday..... I'm willing to handle all the stress tat u hav if u share with me..........as i love u as much..... we should face through all the probs together all the time.......No matter how the things change, my mind still the same right now...... Loving You BB nini..........as i always believe tat, if we can keep all the time positively thinking, we will hav a happy days for all the time...... I'm willing to learn to control more about my emotion......as i'm oso a person who likes to think negatively....... i'm oso believe tat if we all the time happy, we can face all the problems as challenge.......whatever it is....... I wish u will work hard with me............. BB Des always SUPPORTING BB nini all the time....... LOve yeaz~~~~

About myself, i dunno what am i thinking right now...... as i know it will burden me alots becoz i hav plan tis now as it is still early..... wherby, i'm wish to take acca course during my year 3 training started....... Thinking of it, it has alots of obstacles ahead as it is oso not an easy way to let me go through...... I will slower than ppl who hav taken degree in accounting.....n they will still left last part of the professional body papers...... while i will hav a lot to be chased in my year 3 finance..... but whatever it is, finance is still my interest, becoz i like to analyze anything relates money........it is still a strategic planning and mayb it will take me 5-6 years to complete what i want........ Second problem, wher is the money come from? sigh....... probably i hav to take acca course after i hav a stable job or loan which i can borrowed........Anyway, it still hav 2+ years to go....... if i would like to take tis big challenge, probably i nid to hav more supports from close people......i'm still a human, which i'm still hav my weaknesses as well.....i can't be 100% confident for all...... i'm still nid hav some cares, consoles and advise....... i wish i can learn from more independent from now......

Anyways, i hav bla bla bla for half hr le........... Stop here.....!

2009-05-25T23:28:00.002+08:00

well, today is my last day in ipoh.....tml i hav to transfer my packings to kl for my studies....... sigh, days gone dam fast le, i will be less seeing baby soon, miz her much much...... hope baby can take care of herself, eat good, sleep well, and study excellence for her future prosperity career...... I hav juz finished packed up..... its very very alot er.... i still tot i'm migrating tim.....sigh, i hav to study soon le...... hope i hav a smooth journey ba~~~

2009-05-22T22:35:00.002+08:00

Early morning, i hav gone out with my mum to fix car...... The car is goin to prepare for my further study soon..... I hav my breakfast with my mum though..... When i at my grandma hse, i ask my mom to teach me how to cook "la la".... mummy jau go pasar buy for me le........ Soon, i follow wat my mom told to prepare the ingredients to cook for la la...... (pai seh i dunno wat la la english call, if anybody knows, pls teach me tis small little guy.....thx ^^) well, the ingredients are soy sauce, garlic, ginger and dry chilli....... haha, i cook until excited adi.... seeing those la la open their mouth.......psps..... but unfortunately, the la la mummy bought today not tat fresh, n the la la flesh not tat good to eat le.... Nvm, nxt time cook again ^^..........

Afternoon, i still nid to continue my work to have service for my car..... indeed, many parts of my car has been changed..... i oso can't expect tat my car are more ec for me to drive le.....I'm very grateful to my mum tat she has spent alot on me juz for my further studies..... "LOVE DEAR MUMMY"....but tis oso lead me to feel tat i'm a bad boy..... waste mummy alots of money....>.<, i'm bad......... Hope i can finish my degree faster to repay wat i hav did, even for now, i hav to treat my mom more better than wat is now........

Around evening, i bring bb go for tea time..... we go n hav some things to eat in Mc. D, well...I feel relax when goin with bb, Her cute cute face has lead me to put down alots burden temporary....... Today, i very good.... i feed bb, hahax of coz, she got feed bak me oso....... After tat, we go n hav a walk in Tesco.... i nid to look for some goods before goin to kl......sigh, i hav juz bought little things...... but nvm, i can save more money without wasting now.....^^

I hav to stop now le.....11pm adi.... "BB nini, whers my butter mush mush >>__<<"~~~

2009-05-20T00:04:00.004+08:00

I have gone to kl to check for my accomodation today, early morning i hav to challenge my exhausting feel..... I went to kl by bus, Thx to Jemy, she has become my partner to fetch me to look for the owner...... Its quite impressive when i first look for the view of my new hostel....... The house indeed very big, it can accomodate more ppl, so guys n gurls if u wanna come n visit me, u dun hav to worry about live le.....psps~~ My room was nice n wide, but sad, not everything is provided, it has provide air cond n table....but no chair, bed, cupboard, fan and so on...... sigh....tis i hav to handle my own again liao.......No money le >.<, spend me alot..... it does not provide washing machine too ne...... tats make me burden alot nxt time to go for doby..... but overall, i'm satisfy for it le.......Hope ptptn will help me soon also....... After that, Jemy brought me low yat to buy some IT products, well, today no as people mountain people sea......haha, <-----chinese proverb, becoz today is week days.... very fast we hav finished buying ther the product le..... den Jemy brought me to look for Ikea products, we hav searched through a nice table for each of us and a nice wheel chair for me too..... I decorate my room adi i will upload the photos soon le...... When i hav bought my returning ticket, i brought Jemy to plaza damas to se my working place last time......gosh~~ Fogal Meat Market name has changed to "The Blue Cows Cafe" lols, its quite funny though, and it juz a slightly change of the management onli but the rest of the things are still the same...... furthermore, the price for those sausages, steaks and meat products increase price too......its very very dam ex le........Well tats all for tat.....and i'm goin bak hometown at 7.45pm.

Exam results out adi....., i hav knew the results through my phone at first...... I juz got to know my grades for the subject onli while i dun really know my cgpa when i'm in kl...... i'm relieved tat i can continue to increase a little bit of my cgpa at last since i hav drop my cgpa in semester 2....... praise lord, But anyway, i oso have to evaluate the mistakes i hav done in semester 3....... tis is the same mistakes too turning on n on each semester..... that is slacking..... I'm din work more hard enough, i'm worry of my degree soon since it will be double or triple harder than foundation le.....i juz wandering wat results i will be if i continue like tis......... Hope so i can change it faster........ ok i have to stop now.....byez

2009-05-16T21:25:00.002+08:00

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈；
爱是不嫉妒，爱是不自夸，不张狂，
不做害羞的事，不求自己的益处，
不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，
不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理；
凡事包容，凡事相信，
凡事盼望，凡事忍耐；
爱是永不止息。 (哥林多前书 13：4-8)

Dear lord, you have taught me alot about wat is love..... From the bible, u have written clearly..... but its not tat easy for me to do so le..... I'm deeply depressed.....Lord, pls forgiv me for my sin has done....... I'm willing to receive judgement from yea to punish me.......I pray for my loves can hav a healthy physicality and mentality and will let them to decide whether i'm acceptable...... dear lord, i let all my problems to you, pls help me to open my mind n teach wat to do the next...... Praise Lord, in JESUS name..... Amen~~~

2009-05-15T14:52:00.002+08:00

龙的传人 restaurant

Dun see like tis le, tis thingy cost RM1.00 ga.... i still keep some of it

Bali with 2 bird eggs.........

Char Siew rice....eat adi become char siew.... psps

desert....

Xiao long baoFried noodles

Lets start with last tuesday le, before i go to kl, in the early morning i hav receive a news tat my uncle has involved in a terrible accident n pass away le, i not in good mood le.......i went to kl to look for my accomodation....., with the accompany by baby, jj, cw, cy.........utar in sungai long indeed very small.......even smaller than the store in my hometown...... I hav look through some of the apartment, its quite ex for me le...... i very scared tat parents cannot afford le..... plus, i still nid to hav personal expenses..... i hope i can handle my financial properly....... After tat, we go n hav our lunch in restaurant of 龙的传人, its ex too.... i hav spend about RM20++ eat le.... die >.< how am i goin to eat in the days later..... well, hav to save le.......We go hav karaoke in One U........ singing along, ah haur come n join us..... its quite enjoyable too...... In the evening 6, i hav to go bak ipoh to my aunt hse le..... I nid to help them to do favor for having the funeral.......its was the first time, i saw my uncle lying on the coffin...... my heart was down n speechless...... i help my aunt to burn the papers for uncle le.......cousins n their mom has cry for whole day le.... they went to sleep..... left i n my 3 uncle to stay night to look after the coffin......... its quite a dark night wher outside surrounded with insect's sound.........last time, uncle used to call me money mun, becoz my name has a coin words ther.......i think no more people call me like tat le..... We hav the ritual for uncle for 3 days 2 night...... the last day we follow coffin car to buried my uncle le...... its actually a very sad scene...... but anyway, time goes very fast.... Juz a few while we hav finish the funeral le...... N my cousin dun hav to be console much as they know wat they should do le.... n i'm glad tat they hav broad mind n wun sad alots le...... ;) its a good symptom to continue our life...... I'm quite tired le.....i think i should hav a nice rest n continue my work le........ Hope my uncle can rest peace le...... In deepest sympathy for him and his family~~~~

2009-05-10T20:23:00.002+08:00

Can you see wat is tis???

Haha, you are correct le..... My trap has worked adi..... I spent for 3 days to trap tis little naughty rat..... While today i'm very bc for my meeting in the morning so i juz put tis little thingy at outside of the garden....... Actually tis thingy very active n fierce de.... keep on struggling to come out..... But unfortunately, when i came bak from meeting, mom told me tat the rat has been killed by pouring hot water...... Pity it le..... >.< i oso dun hope like tis de...... But tis thingy naughty until go to my room adi..... You know de le, if tis thingy go through my bed or else wher..... i will got rashes on skin de le.....becoz i'm very very skin sensitive de........I actually have same characteristic with baby ne....... So, little thingy, pls have a nice rest le......May god brings u to a better and happy place........

Secret Recipe Cake: Chocolate Mud & Marble Cheese

Well, today is Mother's Day.... I have bought cakes for mum, dads and bros..... Mom have took my cakes to share with grandfather n uncle too.... Haha, indeed its ok with me as long as enough to share..... Mom cook delicious food for today also, thx mom....... Love it~~
I guess i'm hyper exhausting now......... i would like to have a rest after cleaning my face....... Bla bla bla........

2009-05-09T23:17:00.000+08:00

I have something to add on b4 i forgot.....
Today, i have also show my baby's n me's photo with mum, she din strongly reject anything but she juz not feeling tat good le..... I guess she juz scare i will affect of my studies onli, i promise her i will maintain it de.... same goes to baby, must jia you jia you too........ I work all tis for my future with baby.... Actually, my dad also noe le.....lols~~~stop here le

2009-05-09T21:25:00.004+08:00

Amazing technology from Japan...
But can u guess what it is?

Look closely and guess what they could be...

Any wild guesses yet? No clue yet?

Ladies and gentlemen.... Congratulations!
You've just looked into future... Yep that's right!

You've just seen something that will replace your PC in the near future.
Here is how it works:

In the revolution of miniature computes, scientists have made great developments with bluetooth technology....

This is the forthcoming computer you can carry within your pockets

The 'pen sort of instrument' produces both the monitor as well as the keyboard on flat surfaces from where you can carry out functions you would normally do on your desktop computer.

You all can say "Good bye laptop" soon.....

Adapted from my msn messages

Cool stuff, i wish i can get one.... haha... actually, i very savour to get the latest technology of electronic devices..... But it is only a think for me due to the fact tat i'm poorrrrr....... I dun hav income further i'm still having degree to go.....RM4759.00... So i must save much money le...... Today, my dad have come bak from singapore..... Haha, indeed few months din see my dad since last time saw him is when i'm in singapore...... Daddy bought me n bro alots of Arnott Biscuit..... Pai Seh, Bro start to enjoy those stuff adi..... very fast dunno finish how many pack le...... same goes to me.... how can me can't even try ne...... Lols~~ indeed it is a very nice cookies, but very seldom we can see in shopping center, especially ipoh.... We have breakfast tis morning, its long time, i din eat with family like tat le......... As usual, Mother, me and bro have ordered prawn mee where daddy orders curry mee....... Same same like last time, haha........i still remember dad love to drink Kopi ais..... while i used to drink bali ais.... But i actually like to drink Ice Honey Lemon de.......haha.... After tat, i went bak to sch..., my sec sch has changed alots...... many management system has changed.......some of the discipline teacher gone worst...... I dun wan to recall bak le......It can be said, one year by one year worst...... Performance in spm last year for sam tet also drop adi, i can see it through the sucessful submission to form 6 in the sch board...... very few ppl can go in...... while when tat was our time, more than half of them are eligible to go in..... Including me tis noob person, haha, but sadly i din choose to go in while my frens choose form 6......But anyway, hope the nxt generation of spm student will be better le.......After tat, i met bak jian herng n wen xiang, we have our lunch in small genting...... Chit chat along le...... when jian herng wanna bak home le, wen xiang take me to yum cha with his work partners...... Today, he bring me go to temple, lols~~ they go n bai bai ther.... while i'm juz stood ther n observe le.....Its quite alot prayers ther..... So many ppl are buddha.... lols, juz i'm the one who stood ther done nth le..... But anyway, i learn some of their culture ther.......After tis, i go bak to home le, its late evening, mum dad bring me n bro go eat dinner with grandfather n uncle....... i can eat so much tasty food le..... haha, got nice fish, nice tao fu, nice meat and nice vege...... Until now, i can still the fullness, sei le, fat die baby desmun adi..... i wan exercise more le.... >.< well i guess i have blah blah blah alot le.....stop here~~~

2009-05-08T21:27:00.002+08:00

i hav met bak my frens today, loo chu wei and chow yee xian...... we hav a small jog, we chat along the things gone through by each other......In the future, we will hav a big mechanic engineer, Dr Chow Yee Xian.....big actuary, Dr Loo Chu Wei......While i'm juz the small soldier standby for backup......lols i dunno wat i'm talking..... after tat, we go to hav breakfast...... den we go and watch movie for x-men..... indeed, the movie is still ok for me..... better than those bad quality movie.....In the evening i send them bak home le.....while i adi feel myself uncomfortable le...... i feel my body very hot..... my cheek n forehead oso got red pimples le.....very pain le.....>.< i dunno i feel fall sick soon not..... i dun hope so..... ps ps~~ after tis i will go n rest le..... hope i will turn bak to normal tml......yes le baby, i will take care myself de le..... i'm very eager de to see u bak ne......~~ nitez

2009-05-07T22:46:00.006+08:00

Baby primary <----------> Baby secondary

erm today, first of all... i too free today, i hav nth to do den do some housework, take my car to hav a wash....When bak home, i ate my breakfast....den i start pps le.... saw alot of movie.....especially many hk drama out le.... Night time, i put baby's photo here..... She is cute when she was primary school, but i love more her second photos when she was in secondary sch.... short short de hair... nice n pretty.... I think after she see adi will sweat le, how come her photo will come out in the blog....... I miz baby alots le..... got some time i can refer bak her photo n see..... n also tell my frens tat i hav baby as couple now...... :0

now its time le......my biggest plan from now..... yessss it is trap for catching rats..... Juz tis few months ago, our bakery shop tansfer ther store house besides our house.... it lures alots of rats coming in here n ther.... somemore very lion-hearted go in front of me...... If i can't catch it..... i think my skin will sensitive again n rashes comes le......den die..... i fried some sotong has made my full hse surrounded with the sotong smell le...... i hope i will get good news tml ^^.......

Trap for rats....

At last, i love baby annie tan much from now, i'm hard to put down my first relationship n i hope i can manage to have a good days with my baby now....I will change for you baby....juz be patience... and i hope baby will take care of yorself too......I pray for lord you whenever i can......Praise god too has giv me opportunity to accept baby now.......Miz yea ;)

2009-05-05T20:23:00.002+08:00

Last paper......Fundamentals of Finance, was held in 5 May 2009, 2pm-4pm, venue = B203..... has adi overrrrr......... Tis paper, consider normal for me le..... haha, i know tat i have answer all the ques completely.... but i dunno i will correct after tat not..... Well, my confidence tells me tat tis paper has better chances than cost accounting...... Wat hav i done has suceed adi.... i glad alot... praise god..... Sem finally over le....time passes very fast, n i hav juz pack all my heavy stuff bak to hometown...... Soon, i hav to go n find an accomodation in kl..... hope everything will be gone fine thers~~~~my beloved baby too.....at last, i would like yea to stay healthy n happy all the time.........God bless you..

2009-05-03T17:34:00.003+08:00

A kind of beans, grab from the plantation, colleague told us that it is eatable and has a function to cure diabetes.....

See tat fat jj hide me from the camera......

Good bye to Sungai Siput paintball field le......

Early morning, i have to work le..... today is the last day, we work in sungai siput..... All the fishing nets and tanks have to send bak to ipoh..... Indeed, praise god for giving us a moody day, we dun hav to suffer from the hot sun...... Me n jj have chat for a long time, got jokes and more..... Today's we are lucky, we dun hav to work many things on ourselves..... We juz nid to supervise 2 of the indonesian workers to help us to do all.....We also kinda pity becoz of those bushes, my hand got scratch by the plants......Nvm, its still ok for us....... When we finish our work tat time, its 5pm le...... walao, tired le...... haha stop now..~~

2009-05-02T21:02:00.005+08:00

Evening 2pm, i went for ebox with frens.... We are goin to farewell with each other becoz some of them will go to study in other states..... Miz the days when joining the activities organised by youth society.....We sang in full of enjoyment.... i'm suprised too that pky and cct have come bak from their institution to join the gathering..... Indeed, long time din see cct and he got abits fat again....his life very good ther probably.... Well for the days goin on, take care le to those who r goin for further studies and gambateh in the future....Miz alots

I go to my popo house after gathering ends, its dinner time..... Parents have brought the date earlier to celebrate mother's days.... Today, i gonna fat again.....pai seh~, mom and my aunt cook alot of delicious dishes for us..... My cousin also brought a beijing duck from china....
Here it is, pai seh....got into slice adi...

Here is the dishes made from mom n my aunt...

Of coz, here is some demostration also from my elder cousin..... how to eat beijing duck, lols psps...

Overall, i goin to increase fat again..... but the dishes kinda good, i can't get it in anywher when staying in hostel.....Erm, i need to revise my finance adi....Stop heres~~~

2009-05-01T22:41:00.003+08:00

Die le, i ate alot of stuff today..... -.- Morning, 1 pack of japanese udong noodle..... afternoon 1 pack of japanses udong noodle again, after having a nap, i go and open the fridge n grab some chocalate to eat......Mom have made some apple juice drinks, of coz i drank some....Evening, mom brought some prawns n egg osyter bak from setiawan.....both oso very oily...serving with rice, i dunno foods in my stomach mixed till become wat stuff adi.... Nite time, brother gib me a bottle of bird nest, walao, i'm wandering why today i have extra appetite to eat.......furthermore, i have just ate some biscuit too..... I think i have to zip my mouth now, die le die le, fat le fat le...... Plan to have a jog tml morning, hope tat i can wake up on time..... praise god, today i have done my theory revision for finance..... juz left calculation and den jau can go exam le...... Jia you~~~

2009-05-01T00:11:00.002+08:00

Its the new day le. Anyway last night, TA1 have the last gathering before the foundation ends. At first, its kinda boring when i felt nothing to do there. My stomach keeps groaning. I felt like wanted to find something eat, but it seems to be a bright dream. So i started to chit chat with friends, it is sad to heard that two of our friend have been involved in a small accident. Thank god, they only have minor wounds. I think they should be recovered very soon. Meanwhile, we have our meals with pizza, KFC and lots of snacks. Thanks to our class representative and helpers who have made the entiring effort. After that, we have some small entertainment. "Need for Speed", thats the game whereby rabbit tan has addicted to it. I can heard her screaming even in upstairs. Lols~~ After all, i was just chit chating alot. This nice day will be last in my happy memory. Farewell guys and gurls~~Hope you all have a nice day in degree. Take cares~
I have to continue my studies in the morning for the last exam. Good nights!

2009-04-30T13:55:00.003+08:00

Well, i guess i have learnt the mistakes. I slacked all the time from studying. Actually, i'm kinda disappointed of what i did for this last semester, and i was too much concentrating on one matter till i have left out my studies. Finance exam is going around the corner, i think i have to do my best from now to chase back what i have learnt from the lessons. Add Oil~~~

Welcome to my new blog...

2009-04-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

It has been long time i did not post my blog already. Hope i can track down every happenings through daily life in this blog..... thx for reading~~~ bla bla bla......

Current life....

2008-09-14T00:37:00.001+08:00

Well, it is still a peaceful in my life although i'm confusing in my mind. She has not around me long time ago. Why am i yet thinking of her so much. I saw her almost everyday in school. Even she did not chat or notice, she has a special attraction makes me always peep on her. Am i insane? Well certainly it does not obstruct my daily life. It has become one corner in my heart that i miss alot even she ignore me. I have wished her always to be happy. But me myself, really i did not happy at all even she told me to happy. Well it is quite a confusing relationship, we can be said actually didn't discuss before our problem face to face. I admit that i'm still immature last day when the time i can't admit the truth. With friends, they all consoled me alot. Thks of you and i'm very appreciating. Even your ignores hurt me alot, but my mind still want yea to be happy, happy and happy always. I can't expressed myself the feeling that taste like sour and bitter. I even tried to have a cry but truth tells me that i can't cry at all. Maybe guys won't cry easily. I'm not a talent people. I don't have any creative humorous acting to make people laugh. I just do my part as what i can do - "resposibilty". Still, i have many task haven't finished. When my busy time, i have found my happiness as there is something for me to struggle looking for. Until now, i'm still won't changed my mind. You are still my forever companion till destiny ends. God Bless~~

想

2008-06-20T23:57:00.004+08:00

日子久了，很多事情都平淡下来。这感觉就像做数学画"graph"一样，(-ax^2 + bx + c)。起出大家都很和睦的在一起，但有时候也因一些小事累积多了成了问题的高峰。把问题交托给时间，渐渐的问题也慢慢的下沉。

我并不在乎我心中的人会不会回来，凡而我还是要积极的生活下去。在我忙碌时候，回想起的时候，我都忍不住地傻笑。所以有身边的男女朋友都说我头脑有问题，说我读书读到傻了。lols~~ 真的读书并不容易，更何况全家人里每个都非常鼓励我。在经济上也不停的帮助我。这也给了我很大的方针，那就是一定要完成大学科系。在我要完毕今天的博克，有一句话我很想说的，我很想你!

who am i?

2008-06-14T23:17:00.001+08:00

Can anybody tell me what characteristic am i? What attitude am i? Am i easily to get bully? Why still i can't change my style. People still take advantages from me. Maybe i'm still innocent. I don't think about much of it as i have already know my own character long time. Do i still open an eye and close and eye to let it be? I'm keep asking myself. Is they your relative? Why were u so cared about them. They got give you any benefits? NO~ then why were you still helping them without any objection? Are you happy to help them? Yes~i'm willing to help them, but the other way round i feel that they are just using me as their sucession target. Are they worthy for you to help? actually nope, but i just dunno why am i still can't say no maybe i have act all my surrounding people as my good pal or friends. Whos ever beside me surely i will take in heart to treat them. Thats a big weakness for me. Do you consider of yourself before accepting people's favour? Nope~certainly i just help automatically or what i can do the best. Are you a rich person?certainly nope, i'm not a rich person and i have no income, all is from my mom. Why were you spent alot on them? i dunno, automatically i'm willing to help without objection although i know i'm wasting my parent's money. I'm very very sorry for my parents. Your parents know about it? Yes, they still ask me why do i don't just get the claim from them, i answered because i can't say it out as i have known them long time. Why were you don't just leave them? Sorry, i can't do that, it's a hurt for me. Conclusion, who am i?

LOVE

2008-06-06T22:28:00.001+08:00

~~~~

2008-05-19T00:06:00.001+08:00

黑与白的道路之间有一个灰色的地带。你赞同吗？很多时候，对与错之间，往往有时不可说对，也不可说错。决定一样东西，决定了就去做。有时也呆呆的停一下脚步，听听别人给的批评和意见，给与自己一个思考空间分析，然后做出最后的决定与行动。“三思而后行”你认同吗？

Persistence

2008-05-14T23:37:00.001+08:00

Persistence - You will need to make many turns and overcome many obstacles to create the path you desire.

I'm just the beginning of my life, there is still many roads and obstacles for me to face through. As if i don't have a full confidence and persistence, i think i have lose in this war. Prepare myself, prepare for the future that is created by me. =)

我！！！

2008-05-13T00:18:00.001+08:00

口口声声说我会改，到头来我有犯错。为什么要搞好一段人际关系那么难吗？对难道我爱一个人也有错吗？对。其实是没有错，但你用了什么方法去爱她呢？其实我亲身告诉她过，你我两可以做朋友，“但我还是会等她”。highlight 一句话，那已足够她不用和我和好了。一句话，一个后果。最后如何，我还是要接受后果。我很报歉我的关心我的朋友，我真的很报歉，对如果我的朋友要约朋友一起喝茶，该请我还是她呢？我的自私连累到其他人。我的情绪不稳，我做了一些让她讨厌我的事。事实我是无意但她觉得我有心弄成这样。我很悲伤看着她给人无名人捎绕。其实我很想找出那个人是谁，然后恨恨的打他。那人是马来人，我真的很想去电脑科技去追踪是那个家伙。但我还是在研究着，但回想回来，找到他有何用。你又不是打架高手，更何况凯文是不喜欢打架和暴力的。冲动容易让人做了一些不讨人喜欢的事。这次可不是我第一次把人际关系弄到复杂。顺其自然就好了吗，干嘛还要执着的去寻找答案。她的心境不平和，跟何况是我呢。大家都拿么烦恼。学校也就要开始了，凯文几时可以收拾心情去读书呢。每个人有每个人的烦，牧师说的对，这世界充满痛苦，人有的贪，有的不瞒足，有的看不开，有的妒忌，还有很多都使人类犯错。我真的很苦啊，谁能拖离我这充满罪恶的世界。我心不由己，我并没有做我心想达到的事。我很想有自己风格，但事实来讲我是很难有的。我并没有真正把心大开，我凭良心来问，我从出生到现在，我已犯了多少次的罪。而罪不回一直从我长大减少，反而一直增加，还越犯越糟。我的思想望望这样，我真的怕一天我会有精神病。其实可能精神病早已发生在我身上了。要完全控制我情绪我做不到。我会接受。我体谅她有此这性格，应为我自己也是。对不起，这句话我很想和你说因我的举动。但这已经太迟了，我不单得罪人，也得罪了神。我很麻木，我很想有知慧去处理我的问题。愿主你可以应许。啊们！

王力宏 - 爱错
北风毫不留情把叶子吹落坠落的它他选择的逃脱叶子失去消息风才感觉寂寞整个冬天北风的痛没人能说我从来没想过我会这样做从来没爱过所以爱错我从那里起飞从那里降落多少不能原谅的错却不能从来过翻开回忆角落完美的生活以为幸福都可以掌握仔细回味当初那个故事背后喔原来是我犯下从没真的爱错我从来没想过我会这样做从来没爱过所以爱错我从那里起飞从那里降落多少不能原谅的错却不能重来过...真的受未你的世界喔...找不会那些感觉其实我不想到别那些过去我从来没想过我会这样做从来没爱过（从来没有爱过那么认的）我从那里起飞从那里降落（降落）多少不能原谅的错却不能从从来没想过我会这样做从来没爱过（爱过）所以爱错（所以爱错）从那里起飞（爱错爱错爱错baby）从那里降落多少不能原谅的错请你原谅我的爱错

why am i still innocent and acting like a kid???

2008-05-12T22:44:00.001+08:00

My feeling is juz like thousand of bees stinging on me. I juz can't stabilize myself even tat things hav adi over for few months le. I juz wan her to be happy. Tats all.... and why hav i did de everything makes her irritating on me. My mind is blank, anybody can help me to solve how to hav a good relationship ma?? Its a hardest things for me to learn till now.......Ya she is mad of me now?? wat should i do....i noe tat she has been disturbed by some of the ppl....i'm really pity on her.....last day i oso try use the hp no to check who is the ppl in utar...... but it has been failed. Got ppl told me to smack tat guy..... i'm weak to do so, n i dun like to hav fight....... She really has her characteristic.....tats why i love her... but i noe tat will take a time for me to remedy...... i'm really emo for it ne.....when do i hav a professionalism on mind thinking n take a good action on wat i did??? gosh....!!!! i'm really exhausted for it le...... sorry!! STE... tats wat i can say.....n i dun intend to mad you since u hav adi braced me for long time.............

Travel (sg) <27thApril ~ 1stMay>

2008-05-07T03:10:00.001+08:00

I finally can return to post my blog. Yup, i have gone to singapore during the end of april. With cousin, he bring me to go pc bunk. LOL, i can't expect that there is still 50 years old + guy play maplestory this online games. Oh my god, why are they so free till nothing to do. I just wander that there are still many things i dunno in this world. I have learnt alot in singapore. The culture in Singapore is totally not the same with Malaysia. All the citizen in singapore work very hard on their job. Every early morning, there is a busy gather in the mrt station. Of course, some of them go to work, some of them go to sec school, some of them go college and some of them go travel. MRT station is just busy all the time till the night around 10pm. In the mrt station, one of things i usually noticed is the people love to take off their PSP or HTC or PDA phone to play games. PSP usually used by teenage or kids. There culture seems like more enjoyable than in ipoh. I doubt that in ipoh not really much people will dare to use those device in public places. Probably the security is not secure in Malaysia. That makes me addicted to live in singapore. Haha, i know it still a long time to go. Everything is singapore is systematic. LOL, even McD now also can use a EZ link card to pay for the bill. It's very convenient to student and campus. Anyway it's still a long time for me to go there!! =) I have bought alot of chocolate le in singapore. I think that i'm mad already, LOLS, a bag of chocolate. Haha, it is because there is some chocolate which can't be bought in Malaysia. Chocolate >.< haha, i think i'm going to be fat soon.~~~~~~

我要怎样去控制自己情绪？有人可给意见吗~~~

2008-04-27T00:28:00.001+08:00

又是另一天了，前晚，也刚好在七时左右。我又和妈为了一些小事争论了。我自知我自己容易被受干扰的人，当妈的语气开始重时，很自然的，我也开始大声说话了。有点不孝呢。弟子规有教过，“父母呼，须静听”即使妈的道理不合我的也须平心静气的去劝解。虽然我有读过，但坦白的说，我到现在都做不到。又些东西，虽然有学过但不一定能做到。真如我一样。我还说要做生意学赚钱，但看看自己，真的一点长进都没有。对不起，可是我不会就这样放弃，我还要学习人以人之间的关系沟通。也应该要控制自己一下情绪了。不然以后怎样面对社会更大的挑战呢？加油！加油！凯文~~

她生日~~~~~

2008-04-27T00:26:00.001+08:00

转眼又是她的生日。哈哈，凯文啊凯文，应该不关你的事的呢。我已想了很久，我应该送她什么呢？有人劝我，不要浪费心机了。因为很了解她，一定会不接受我的礼物的。嗨！我还是送了。一个不值钱的卡片，我没想头。不大会设计卡片，还好我放了心机进去。今早凌晨二时，放进去她家邮桶上。然后，回家睡觉。我也觉得我一天比一天发傻。不用紧，我还是完成了自己可以做的事。凌晨亲自去寄应该不会打扰吧。她今天一整天都没有回复我。嗨，不用紧了而最重要的是，还是愿她永远幸福快乐。~~~

我干了什么好事呢

2008-04-24T18:34:00.001+08:00

雨天，因为汽车的wiper 坏了不能外出。又要呆在家里了。很平常，当然会找些东西做呢。无无聊聊的我去研究电脑，自己学习如何用软件去恢复 windows 系统。也在这时，悲痛的感觉发生了。我竟然把我的external hard disk 里的文件给清楚掉了。她和我的照片在我手指一“click”完全消失了。我给自己有了一个心里很乱的感觉。掺了，怎么办？不见了。不但如此，所有我最新的软件也给洗了。想想看，我已经付出了我的代价。我已成功学会恢复 windows 系统了。算了吧，从新在开始呢。只要她在我脑海里记住就够了。

My birthday

2008-04-19T23:59:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was my 18th birthday. It was a most memorable day for me. Feeling touch that my mui has given me her most precious present. Ya, it was a booklet. Even though it did not cost much money, but the action that she has made really make touch for me. I think that she has put alot of effort inside the decoration of the booklet. It include the comments n wishes from my lovely friends. It makes me to be more confident of myself. THx annie :-) my mui.....haha. Of course, i would like to thank my friends too who celebrate my birhday. I'm very happy for that night. Thx pl too, she has given me her decoration cards too. But most important is the comments that she gave will remind me all the time what should i do in my future. Actually i got thought before and wait before, even though we had been seperated, i also hoped that she will at least give me a wish to make happy. But never mind, it has been over. To make myself confusing, why don't i happily live on with my lovely friends and god. Thx god for giving me a precious moment.
Lastly, thank you all my friends who wished my birthday. Thank you....... haha joyce, i lost water liao ;-)

i'm feeling better... thx all of u ;)

2008-04-10T20:44:00.001+08:00

well, it has been long time i never update my blog le. Yup, i had gone to singapore helping my grandparents to do "Qing Ming". Besides, i went for shopping and hanging around in singapore too. The lifestyle in singapore were more convenient than our country. Everywhere we can take MRT or Buses to any destination we want. The most important thing is that i can meet back my cousin Junda and Joyce. LOL, they both have grown up so fast but their face were still familiar. Sigh, maybe my face had changed alot when i was 13. They just can't remembered who is mun mun. Haha, never mind. Our relationship has gone closer after this days. i think this time they both will remember me already since they have grown big le.
SIgh, after i went back to my hometown. Gosh.... i suffered from diarrhoea and fever. My stomach were paining all the time, it just like thousands of drum hitting my intestines. My body lost alot of water till my mouth were always dried and sticky. Somemore, i got fever, feeling the cold, and hoped that someone will hug me to give me warm. In my mind, i knew that she has come on my side hugging me le. I felt warm although it just a fake. This few days really make me frustrated and lost the hope in this world. Haha although i had that thinking, but i have reversed my negative thinking to positive. Because of you. I miss you alot. It makes me just not give up easily. Thx dear. :-)

bak from sg

2008-04-07T00:01:00.001+08:00

:P kinda tired all the way back home from sg......it was an enjoyable journey for me to go ther. I could meet my cousins. They both have growth up too fast le. Last time when i was 14, i had gone sg before. That time they were just little small kids. Haha, i'm still remember my small brother and i got played pokemon's card with them. I just can't imagine that my time has gone so fast through. This is the first time i wrote a post on e-blogger although i got one on my friendster. The decoration were done by my cousin Joyce ^^...... tq Joyce!! :-)